Will I Ever Feel the Same About My Husband After His Affair?
I often hear from wives who tell me that everything has changed for them after their husband’s affair. They no longer feel the same way about their marriage. They feel differently about their lives. They doubt themselves. And, they can perceive their world (and the people in it) quite differently (and negatively) after the affair. I often hear comments like: “Will I ever feel the same way about my husband again? I used to adore him and think that he was a man of integrity who I could always count on. But I don’t know that man anymore. And I don’t know if I’ll ever find him again. Will I ever feel the same way about him ever again? Or will always see hurt and anger when I look at him?”
The answer to these questions really does depend on how he conducts himself in the days, weeks, and months following the affair. The way that you see him is likely to change over time as your feelings and perceptions change. I will discuss this more in the following article.
It’s Completely Natural For You To Project Your Feelings About The Affair Onto Your Husband: Many wives feel guilty when they feel very strong negative emotions toward the husband who cheated on them. There is no need to beat yourself up over this. in any case you’re feeling is likely absolutely normal and understandable. He has gravely disappointed and hurt you. It’s perfectly normal to project these feelings of hurt and disappointment onto your perception of him.
nevertheless, I know that it’s hard to loose the image that you believed in and loved. It makes you feel as if everything in your life was a lie. You begin to doubt yourself and worry about what else in your life you could be wrong about. And you worry that your marriage won’t survive if you loose the positive image that you used to have of your husband.
These concerns are understandable, but I have to tell you that they are completely normal and usually ultimately lessen with time and as you see rehabilitative behaviors from your husband. Will you ever be able to pretend this never happened so that your perception of him doesn’t change at all? That’s not likely. But over time, if he is able to prove himself and his commitment to you, then your perceptions of him will likely begin to enhance.
Restoring Positive Perceptions About Your Husband Often method Restoring Positive Perceptions And Feelings About Your Marriage And About Your Life: I often tell people that the most effective way that I know to move past an affair is to restore your life (and your marriage, should you chose to save it) to a fulfilling place. This is often a gradual course of action, but if you can accomplish it, then there really is no reason to continue to live in the unhappy past.
And, most women find that if they are able return to a place where they are happy with their lives and have been able to restore their self esteem and confidence, then their feelings about their husbands, their lives, their marriage begins to enhance. This doesn’t average that you won’t remember what happened and nevertheless wish that it didn’t.
But, the affair ultimately becomes an event like any other difficult event that you overcame in your marriage. You start to see it as a rough patch that you were able to conquer instead of personalizing it and reliving it every day. And hopefully, your husband would’ve shown you by his actions that you truly can count on and trust him again. I often tell women how they perceive and feel about their husbands following the affair partly depends on what their husbands give them to work with.
If he does everything necessary to make this right and offers reassurance and accountability, then it’s likely that you will ultimately begin to see him in a more positive light. But, if he does nothing to rehabilitate himself or make this right, then it’s more likely to you are going to continue to see him by the haze of anger, resentment, and frustration.
Wives often feel pressured to return positive feelings about their husbands by those same husbands. No one wants to know that their spouse is this angry and distrustful. So it’s normal for him to try to get you to return to normal as soon as possible. But your feelings aren’t a light switch that can be turned off and on. There is nothing wrong with explaining this to him and telling him that your feelings are a direct response to his actions. If he gives you positive actions to work with from this day forward, then the feelings will likely follow. It’s important that every one understands this.
People often worry that they have no control over how their spouse feels about them but this just isn’t completely true. Your actions will either cloud or enhance what they are feeling. So, it’s really up to your husband. And, if you’re not getting what you need from him, it’s up to you to say so.